Do We Fight? Or Do We Quit?

     Life, isn't all that easy as you think it would be. Life doesn't give you just one option to choose from, it doesn't give you only one problem to face. Life doesn't give you just one answer for every questions you have.

     Life doesn't give you one particular weather to face. We have four, summer authum, winter, and spring and it comes around, goes around. And when each weather changes from one to the other, life doesn't just stop there, it just keeps moving on, even if you have to stop.

     We face many problems, many challenges in life. Each soul has their own different challenges to face. We go to our friends that we think we could trust. We go to our families who said they are always there for support and help. We go to the ones that we love knowing that they would not leave us alone to be lost in this big big world.

     Sometimes we place high hopes in our families and friends to bring us back to the right track. But there are times that when we share our problems, we expect them to understand our situation. Yet disapointment sets in. Sometimes we are even scare of sharing our problems to the other. Questions of doubtness and fear sets in our head. We feel like running, running to a place that no one would find us. Most of the times we fill that the problem is too big and we just don't know what to do. Too scare of making decisions that might be the bad one instead of a good decision.

     So in the end, we run or give up fighting. We stop kicking for a fresh air when we know that we might drown in the icy cold water. We just got so lost, wanting all of it to just stop moving, to just leave us alone. In the end, we just stop breathing, we stop our will to live, we stop our life.

     I used to think, that people who give up are just people who are too weak to face challenges. But now i know, they are just being humans. We, are all humans. Not a single one of us could say that we never have the thought of losing it, to give up, to put everything down and just step back. We all have that idea, to give up. But what make the thought worst is that we actually give up.

     Our mother had never give up on us when we are always crying for food and they are not really sure of what we are crying for. And that just makes us not having any rights to give up on ourselves. Everyone needs someone or something for us to hold on and pull ourselves together through every challenges. Most of the time we just need people we could trust to push us to the finishing line.

     Having the thought to give up isn't a bad thing. Like I said, the bad part is that we give up, not finishing the races and not getting to see what is on the other side of the line.

     So, my advice is, don't give up even if things are starting to seem scary and impossible. Couse you would only be letting people who love you down, and most of all you will let yourself down.

"To Love And Be Loved In Return"

  "To love and be loved in return", isn't this what all of us believed in till now? The hope of finding someone to love in and hopefully they love you back the same way.

     Love, is not as easy as one would imagine it to be. A young girl's imagination is to find a guy that would love her back and take care of her. With that guy being a Prince Charming none the less, married, have children, grow old and live happily ever after. But for a woman, whom one is having a career, would see love as having someone to talk to, someone that could keep themcompany , to have sex, to go on a date with, to shout and argue with. Someone who would make a woman both happy and scared. And for the guys, some of them... I say again SOME, do not know about love, to begin with. But I guess they know that sex and love is not the same thing. You could have sex with a person but still not loving them. But if you get to ask a guy who have a girlfriend and ask him why he would love her, he would reply saying "Idon't really know, she is just kind, sweet and friendly." That is all that he could give you.

     Are you kidding me? I mean, come on! You love this one girl and you don't even know why? Tell you guys something, try spending some quiet quality time alone and you would start imagining the love of your life rightin front of you, doing things that you like such as making breakfast for you or serving coffee for you. That's the time you would start figuring out what you like about them the most and what makes you think that you cant spent the rest of you life without. On the other hand, if you ask a girl, it would be totally different answer. She could tell you all the things she like about that guy from morning till night. She would even talk about him none stop that you feel like your going to be sick.

     Many girls do not ask their man about why they love them. Maybe it is because they are shy or they do not want the man to think that she is doubting his love for her. But in reality, girls prefer to know what makes him love her. It gives her a sense of security about their relationship, that he is not fooling around and hurting her in the end.

     You see, love, is not something as easy to understand as the word in the dictionary. It is not just the feeling, or spending more time. It has more meaning to it like a mother would love her children. The kind of expression you see on the mother's eyes when she is holding her new born child. Love is a mature thing, you need caring, understanding, patience, truth, kindness, forgiveness, tolerance and not anger,lies, hatred or revenge.

     Many people these days say that they love each other. But at times you could see in their actions that they do not feel as to what they have said. If you really love them, the people around you could tell easily that you love someone without you telling it out.. Just watching your actions is enough to tell everything. It is like "apicture says a thousand words", in this case it should be "actions speaks truth".

     Many times in many different cases, we get unreturned love. We love someone whom we knew would not love us back the same way we love them. At times, we secretly love our friends, and hoping that they might have the same feeling for us. But before we even get to that big confession, they hurt us without even knowing it by saying that we are just friends, that we would never date each other, that we are just like brothers and sisters to them. That is the time we learn that wedon't stand a chance to be with them in ways like couple do. Although we have the love for them, yet we always give way to them. We let them to have life they wanted, they get their partners, and we trying to be supportive, wishing them good luck in their life together, hoping that they stay happy, it is just something that I call a "hidden love". A kind of love that people do not understand what kind of love we have for them.

     Love, even for me, I cant say much. Everyone has a different experience about love. Some say that love sucks. Some might even say that love rules the world. We all still need more experience on this love thing that is going on with all of us. Love that we show to people of different level of relationship such as our family, friends, and partners are all different level of love. But we still love them all the same, just that what they share together are different, and it doesn't really matter to anyone. As long as everyone is being love, it is fair enough. Everyone desires it. LOVE. No one can really survive in this world without at least being love by their parents.

     So, love everyone as much as you can. Do not keep your anger, revenge, hatred blocking the love you got from the world. There are nothing good but love. It keeps the good memories following into ones life.

How Much Do You Trust The Other?

We all have an issue on trust, we may say that we trust the other, but how much?

There are times that we say we trust someone with our life, but a voice in us ask us in a whisper, “Just how much do you trust them?”

     At times we may say that we trust someone soo much, but it is a lie and we know it. But why do we lie? Do we really want to show that we have someone to trust in and that we are not alone in this complicated and confussing world? Just what could we be able to get out from telling others that we have some trustworthy people beside us?

     A friend of mine once told me that I shouldn’t trust someone so much that I put my life at the front line. Even if it is a friend or foe, a product or a company, a stranger or the familiar, we might not know their true intention. We having to trust them too much and they knowing it, might just use those trust to their own advantages and having to hurt us at the end. Even with us not noticing it.

Sometimes when we trust our friends too much that we do not believe what other people tell us about them. At times, that people who really care about us gave us advice and warnings from people like these, we ignore them, we tell ourself soo strongly that its a lie, that they are all just jealous we have people we could go to.

     All of us started to learn about trust ever since we were created on this planet. Since the day of our birth, we place trust in our parents, putting our life in their hands. To take care of us, to feed us when we are hungry, to keep us warm and dry after we came back from playing in the rain, to give us new cloths when we begin to grow out of them. To guide us when we are lost and in confuse state, to teach us and at times to scold and shout at us when we did mistakes.

     Teenagers often likes to take these trust from their parents for granted. Parents trust their children to be good, to behave, to not bring down the family name, to show the world that, this family are to be respected, and most of the time, parents trust their children to not do anything foolish that might hurt themselves when the parents are not there to keep an eye on them. Children make promising to not lose their parents trust without even knowing what they are promising, what they are keeping at the edge of the cliff. Many times, teenagers makes mistakes of jumping around that cliff, not knowing that one day, that cliff will give way, and with the child, it will fall to the sea. For the parents and parents to be out there, give your child a second chance, even if they really break your heart and end up doing stupid things. Go back to guiding them to the right path, for that is what they have trusted you to do when they are lost in darkness.

You know how at times, when we fall in love, everything seems to be clouding our mind from the truth. Especially for the girls. Everytime when we fall in love with this one guy, we keep saying to ourself “this is the one”, but ends up that he isn’t. One weakness of girls, we believe men too quickly. maybe some of you don’t, your the stronger ones. But like me, I notice many of us are like that. because of their sweet words, we grow to trust them blindly without even really fully know them well. Even when the guys that your seeing are messaging another girl behind your back, and telling to your face that its just a business partner, you would believe him. Even start to imagine him at work, busy at his work to get his pay increase so that he could propose with a diamond ring. Don’t trust the men 100%, maybe just 99%. But for the guys, even if the ladies trust you 99%, that 1 little percent may just crush that whole 99%, and you would eventually lose that perfect girl. Not only that, you hurt her in the most evil way a girl could ever imagine. You lost her trust and trust, its something you have to earn once you lost it.

     But what about the trust place in friendship? If you were to meet me and personally ask me this, i would say, we all are basically alone. There is no one in the world that you could give all your trust to. Not even your friends. Some trust, yes, but not 100%. We make friends, we lose friends. But the best part is if we could make new ones and still keep the old ones. But sometimes, its just seem impossible. Like what had recently happened to me. A friend that i thought is my truly best friend, that i could tell her anything that is bothering me, that i could trust her to keep my secrets and what ever I told to her. Ever since she met new friends of hers, she had forgotten me. I do not blame her, or hate her…but I have been thinking…all those things that i have said to her, will she still keep them as our little secrets or would she tell them to those new friends of hers?

     Like what I have said so often to many different people, that trust, is not just a word. It is something that we place on other people, like a mark. It is easily put on, but once its being erase, there is no way to have that mark to appear again. “Trust is something you have to earn, not ask for”. Be wise in choosing the ones that you trust.

Is Runing Our Only Choise?

   Everyone runs, don't you agree with me? People always run to where ever they could. They run when they see a problem coming towards them. They run when someone confess their love to them, they run when they are being hurt by people that they had trusted their life upon. 

     Running seems to be the only easy thing to do. The only first solution to every problem that many of us uses these days. Even me, I don't deny it, I run whenever i could. But why do we run? Is it because we are too scare to face the problems that lies ahead of us? Or are we too scare to face the consequences after each wrong solution that we think is best for those problems. Or...are we just too scare to open up ourself to the world, too scare of being hurt in return for our kindness and love. Too scare of being betrayed by the people we trusted to take care of us, of our feelings. But still...why do we always choose to run, instead of staying and sticking out for ourself?

     We run from studies, run from facing weddings that we dont want, run from our family that doesn't understand us nor give us spcae and freedom. We run from our spous when they hurt us, lie to us, cheated us, break our heart, take our love, kindness, caring, all for granted. We run when we feel that we were being abondand by the people we love, our family, our friends...people that we tought would always be there for us. 

      Running...seems to be the easiest thing to do in life. It takes us to anywhere our feet could carry us. It lets us to meet new people, see new places, have a new hope, a new life and a new advanture. But the smartest person would never run from their problems. Even though sticking around and facing the problems that lies ahead would not take them to many places, nor let them meet millions of new faces. But hey, what is there to judge? Sticking around and finding solution to our problems doesnt take us to beautiful country, but it helps us to let the world know who we really are. To be strong, to show what we make of, and to help us learn to accept the things that we hate, or love, or things that we frequently get confusse about. Life doesnt always goes the way we want it, but the point is, making the best out of things, even if those things come by horribly, and hurt us and make us cry. Do not let problems take control of you, dont let it be the master of you.

I'm sorry guys

I am truly deeply from the bottom of my heart sorry if i did or say anything to displease you, or to make you angry at me. I dont meant to hurt your feelings. Now there is only two weeks left before holiday. Christmas is coming, my due date is soon. So, please...whatever i did...please forgive me.

There are few things that i want to say right....yea....first of all...1 love...thanks to UG bro...

To Emad,
You ask me before, why i no longer goes to Hasan's place..
thats because i cant...i can but i know myself that if i go, i might fall asleep there, and i cant let that happen. In so many reason. I have a boyfriend, its not good that i sleep at another guys place, in his house in his room. And i cant stand the environment there. It is hasan's place, i respect how his place is... but my body cant take it... i dont want to get sick and make my whole family worry about me... And my name here is already very bad amongst the arab people... if i stay at hasan's place, and they found out, it would be much worst. And also i have another reason which i think yana still remembers... Emad, i really want to be apart for the mini doc, i know i didnt help much, thats my fault...im stupid at taking videos and all but i still dont get the idea of why you guys want to do the editing at hasan place.

To Yana,
I guess you still remember what i said to you about me and the facebook thing right? yea...i still have that feeling and that is why i am putting some space between it. Yana, i'm sorry if i ever disturbed you... i wont again... and there is one thing i want to advise you yana, you seem to forget this all the time. if you have someone you dont want to lose, always make sure that you gave them our time. because if you dont, they will surely find someone else. The world is an unfair playground. It is a world that will hurt you to the core. It is a classroom that makes you think "what did i do?" Life isnt a place that would always give you a fair price. sometimes the other would just have to give way.

To Luvia my love,
Its not that i have any problems with hasan or yana, its just that i stayed away from hasan's place that it kindda made me distance from them. also judging how yana likes to stay at his place. I know its more fun then here. One more thing, i dont want to say what, but try to have peace with them, even sometimes they drive you up the wall and give you no space to defend yourself. They are who they are, instead of argueing with them, trying to let them see that your right, understand them, and talk peace with them. i know the kind of troubles you have base on what you post and what you told me. but like i said so many times, things doesnt always go the way you want it to go. and thanks, for asking me to think about myself...but i dont know if i can do that or not...

To Moazir and Yasser,
You guys, truly i enjoy the time i spend with you guys, although it is short, but it was worth while. i might not see you guys again, but i hope not to lose contacts. Moazir, thanks for your ears, i hope my voices didnt do any damage to it. you are really a great listener and a great person to discuss things with...you know what i mean. I hope you dont give up on your english, im always here to guide you if you have any problems. Yasser, although the time we spend was really short (just one outing with you) but it was worth while. But your a bad lier as well... I know how sometimes when you got a problem and you dont want to talk to anyone or see anyone, but still...you have to let it out sometimes, shouting at the mirror, writing it down, talking to someone, anything, just let it out... you dont even have to tell any living soul...but i hope you find peace with your inner self.

To Hasan...
Sorry i put you last...coz i dont really know what to say to you...only thing is stop smoking you damn.......haiz...actually, your the 3rd person im trying to convince to stop the smoking habbit... there is no reason for you to continue smoking like that...and when you go home, your going to take a break from smoking...so why dont you just stop smoking? truly...i donno what else to say to you... and good luck with your progress ^_* you know what i mean

To Yana and Moazir,
You guys have ask me before, why i dont just break off with my bf and let him go...be free from him... well...here is my truthfull answer to you guys... the only reason i am still with him is because i still love him... he is my everything, although there are most of the times, him doing things and breaking my heart. i keep him at my side because i have no one closer to me other than him. His the only person that i could truly talk about anything to...things that even most of you dont know...his the only one that could talk to me, give me solutions that non of you could. at times when i am lost, i dont know what to do, his always the one to give me a new hope. and his the one i know that will be by my side and not abandon me....i dont care anymore about all the things he did to me, i just need someone that i know will be there for me to cry on...who will always come when i need him

guy, you guys are the closest friends i got in my entire history.... but please try to understand my situation... i dont want to do anything to distroy my family...i dont want my family to separate because of my behavior here with you guy... they trust me, and i dont want to lose that trust...

i love you guys...take care...

Just Returned from Bali, Indonesia

     A week in Bali was never enough. Although it was just a week, I really had enjoyed my time there with my beloved friends and lecturers. Knowing that Bali is a place that you could shop, I perposely brought little money with me. (RM 150) to be EXECT. And it last me for really a week there, yet i still could buy two pack of bath salt, a soap, 3 bookmarks, and a big cloth, and of course some snakcs and drinks for my lesuire. 

      Going to Bali isn't just for fun but also to do our coffee table book, which 'In God's Wish' to be publish next year. Hopefully i would get a copy of it for free...hehe... some of our works, such as feature articles, drawing, pictures will be publish in it too, and this is a benefit for us students, it is an opportunity to get a good job in the future. 

       Truely, its my first time to go to Bali, more over without my parents but with friends. Half of the students that were going with me, I did not know nor seen or even think that they exist...but there they are, they sit in the same bus as me, we laugh together, sing together, take pictures together, eat together and...still together even after the trip. I hope, making this many new friends, I hope I do not lose the old ones... It would be a waste if that really happens...

     On the first day of trip, the first thing that i notices was....there is alot of white people... white people not base on their colour, but base on the country that they come from that were dominant with Christians. Those white people. They seem to be everywhere we go. Its like they were already becoming Balenese...except for that they dont dance like them.  While on this trip, I get to see many things, learn many things and hear many things. My first experience in Bali was about the monkeys at one of the temple we visited. It grab something from my friend's bag that I was carrying at the moment. These monkey were known to be the theives of all theives. Stealing from food to glasses, hats, chains, earings and anything that shines in their eyes, they will steal it from you. Just like what they say, monkey see monkey do.   

     

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